I want to change my name, dye my hair, get a few piercings, and move to a place where no one knows me.
I want to restart.

Rarely do days taste like lemonade anymore; nearly all feel like razorblades.

I just cut for the first time in months. It’s sickening how much better I feel. It’s sickening how badly I want to be the person I was over a year ago, before I went to therapy. Before I told my parents. It’s sickening how obsessive I am over the destructive boyfriend I had then. Even though there was so much drama, I miss it. I miss him. I hate to admit it because I’m pretty much 99.99% sure I don’t mean anything to him anymore. Maybe I just need closure. I have no idea anymore.
And an added thought, it’s also sickening how I want to starve myself like I used to. I’ve gained 25 or so pounds since last August. It’s ridiculous.
Maybe I’ll go back to everything minus him because he’s gone. I was happier then. Less trapped.